Tuesday, April 17, 2007

How to Chat Up Foxy Record Store Clerks By Casually Namedropping the Crows

Besides the great Big Chief diss controversy, the biggest criticism we get here at Lamestain LLC. is that we are out of touch thirtysomethings whose musical tastes haven’t developed past high school age. While all the other bloggers are hyping up Regina Spektor, LCD Soundsystem, or whatever the latest band that gets the Fall/Joy Division/XTC totally wrong, we spend valuable hours talking about the lost 64 Spiders single or wondering whatever happened to the Blood Circus dudes. But the truth is we also like to keep our fingers on the pulse of today’s rock and roll music. While we find most new stuff to be crap, we also like to be able to impress foxy record store clerks with our hip tastes and vast knowledge of yesteryear’s records. For instance, when we buy the recent Pissed Jeans’ single, we might say something like this: “We totally dig how these guys are doing an Amphetamine Reptile records thing for today’s post-emo generation.” Then, usually, the clerks’ ears will perk up and we’ll start naming dropping as many Amphetamine Reptile bands as possible. After that, we’ll tie in everything by saying something like “Hey, I noticed that you are playing Nick Cave’s new Grinderman project, which kind of reminds me of the Crows, who were a great, dead Amphetamine Reptile band.” Then I would start droppin’ some real mad knowledge like this:

“Well, after the U-Men broke up in the late 1980’s and Tom Price left to form the Kings of Rock and Gas Huffer, former U-Men singer John Bigley and drummer Charlie Ryan partnered up with guitarist Garth Brandenburg and bassist Greg Stumph to form the Crows. The band debuted with the “Crow Bar” b/w “Low Brow” picture disc single in 1991 and contributed the songs “Capital Hillbillies” to Dope, Guns, and Fucking in the Street volume 6 and “Go Look In The Crisper” to the Ugly American Overkill compilation LP. Their s/t record came out in 1994, but by then, the band was pretty much history. John soon went on to open up some Seattle bars, while Charlie and Greg went on to Bottle of Smoke with Tom Price and former Cat Butt singer David Duet. Charlie eventually left that band and joined up with Robert Vasquez to form the Right On. The Right On recorded a cool single, but not much else before they broke up and Rob started yet another cool band. Garth played in the Nitecaps and Lushy and probably some other bands around town. Yeah, if you like Nick Cave or the Birthday Party, the U-Men, and bands with crazy-sounding singers, I totally recommend the Crows LP. The cd is still in print, and I think you could find the LP fairly cheaply in the used bins.”

After a spiel like that, the foxy record clerks are usually totally impressed by my wisdom and will often give a 10% discount on my purchases. Also, go to the very cool Last Days of Man blog to check out the first, long-out-of-print Crows single.

The Crows -- "I Know Where You Live"
The Crows-- "Land of the Blind"
The Crows -- "Side Show"

The songs can also be obtained via .zip file here.
-- MC Tom

9 comments:

Yannick said...

Another GREAT POST and BAND

Cheers

gerhardj said...

Hilarious post. I've been reading your blog for a while and enjoying the music -- some of it familiar and some of it new to me. But all so much better than all the boring blogs talking about boring indie rock. But then I am showing my age too... just weeks away from becoming a thirtysomething too.

Peter Davis said...

I'd say "bravo" if it weren't for you posting "I Know Where You Live Twice" and in lieu of "Land of The blind."

Good looking out though. How's that?

Lamestain HQ said...

Oops--the link has been fixed.

Joe Stumble said...

Man this is funny. Another reason I live in the wrong part of the country. There are no "foxy record store chicks" here in St Louis. All the people who work in record stores here either look like Steve Buscemi or Kyle Gass (male or female). But if there were, I would be droppin some serious knowledge on em!

Anyway, our moment as pacific northwesterners and midwesterners is looming on the horizon my friend. As soon as this faux-Joy Division/1980's goth nerd thing runs its course...the next stop on the nostalgia gravy-train will be early 1990's grunge and post-grunge. We will get to see millions of young dorks mindlessly ape early Mudhoney and The God Bullies.

By creating these blogs we are claiming our status as elder statesemen of that imminent scene. We will literally be knee-deep in rocker chicks.

Truly, something to live for.

I Heart Noise said...

Was curious about how many folks know about The Crows and stumbled upon this post...

I always imagined them being a good soundtrack to one of David Lynch's flicks...

I Heart Noise said...

Was curious about how many folks know about The Crows and stumbled upon this post...

I always imagined them being a good soundtrack to one of David Lynch's flicks...

I Heart Noise said...

Was curious about how many folks know about The Crows and stumbled upon this post...

I always imagined them being a good soundtrack to one of David Lynch's flicks...

iheartnoise said...
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